Conversations to Have Before You Start Wedding Planning

I know, I know. No one likes a hard or potentially uncomfortable conversation. Especially when you’re being told you need to have one (or many) before you can start doing the fun stuff like, oh I don’t know, planning your wedding! But hear me out, a few minutes of super candid conversation can save you and your partner a ton of stress down the road…not to mention it can save you money too. Getting really clear on what’s most important to you both is the best way to make wedding planning, and the big day itself, so much more enjoyable.

I’m going to break it down as if each of these is it’s own conversation, but do what feels best for you and your partner. If you want to knock it all out at once, go for it! If you need to break one of these down into multiple conversations, more power to ya. Okay, let’s dig in.

Conversation #1 - What are the top priorities for each of you when it comes to the wedding day?

It’s so important that you are both honest here. It could actually be helpful to pose this question a day or two before the conversation so that you each have some time to really sit with yourselves and think about this. You want to get crystal clear on what vendors are most important to you, what do you absolutely have to have at the wedding, and what do you absolutely not want? Is a big guest list important to you? Do you want to do destination? Would you rather give up a photo booth so you can have the band of your dreams? There are a lot of decisions that go into a wedding, so make sure you know what the big ones are going to be and what ones you can spend a little less time thinking about down the road.

Conversation #2 - What is the budget?

Okay I specifically didn’t put this one first for a couple of reasons. First, you can’t really answer this question until you know some of the answers from the first conversation. Second, no one likes a budget conversation so I honestly just didn’t want to scare you. But guess what, this actually doesn’t have to be a scary one! Again, the key is to approach this conversation with nothing but honesty and transparency. Figure out what each of you are realistically comfortable contributing, if there will be any outside contributions from parents or anyone else, if those contributions come with strings attached, and add that all up to get your overall budget. You’ll also want to decide if that is your absolute max budget, or if you’re comfortable stretching that budget for certain things or not. Again, decide now and revisit in the future if you need to. A lack of clarity here is asking for nothing but stress and frustration.

Conversation #3 - What are the expectations around planning responsibilities?

Let me rip the Bandaid off here, even with a full-service wedding planner, you’re going to be making an absurd amount of decisions. It’s unavoidable. That doesn’t mean it’s unpleasant, but there is absolutely a mental load attached to those decisions. I cannot stress enough how important it is to discuss ahead of time what each of your expectations are when it comes to who is responsible for making what decisions. Will you share the load 50/50? Do you have more of an opinion of the florals and they have more of an opinion on the music? Who is going to be responsible for vendor payments? Do you want every decision to be run past both of you? Outside of not having one, there is no wrong answer here.

I’m not going to say that there’s nothing else you could possibly want to chat through with your fiancé, but these three conversations should get you on the right path.